Fit Shaming
The act of putting down someone who has started to make positive changes in their lifestyle.
"Fit shaming" - yes, you read that correctly, there is no typo here. Let's ask Chatgpt to provide a more formal definition of the term:
"Fit shaming is a type of shaming that involves passing snarky comments about someone's physical fitness level, exercise routine, or body shape. This type of shaming can take various forms, such as mocking or belittling someone for not having a specific body type, making fun of someone's workout habits, or criticizing their food choices. Fit shaming can be detrimental to an individual's self-esteem and may discourage them from engaging in healthy habits or activities.”
"Fit Shaming," ironically as the name suggests, covers every individual looking to make a positive change, regardless of their shape, size, or fitness level. Therefore, contrary to the name, it applies to all individuals.
This is a silent pandemic in society that has been going on for quite some time and no one has really spoken about this issue, I intend to do so in this post.
Let me provide you with some live case studies from my life and friends and family I spoke with to provide context on the type of fit shaming they experience.
I want to standardize the names of the individuals I mentioned from my real life in this post, so I will use names from the TV show "Succession."
Shiv, Kendall, Logan, Gerri and Willa.
(Don’t worry, guys, I have chosen characters randomly and not because I see that character in you 😛)
"Ankush, don't you enjoy your life or what?" Kendall asked me as we sat together at the lunch table during a feast. I happily ate my sautéed chicken with mixed vegetables and a hint of teriyaki sauce, a dish that I absolutely love and eat three out of five working days.
"Ankush, how can you eat the same things every day? Don't you get bored of it?" Shiv inquired as I ate my six-egg scrambled egg bhurji that I cooked in the morning as a tasty high-protein meal to carry for lunch, a dish I love eating often.
"Ankush, do you work out every day? You know working out so often is not good; do it in moderation," Connor said, not realizing that I do not work out every day and thinking that I needed a reminder.
"Arre Ankush, just have one samosa man, nothing is going to happen. Arre Ankush, just have one drink man, nothing is going to happen, don’t be a loser." Roman urged me, reminding me of this having partied with him quite hard multiple times but reminding me on the one odd day that I decided not to drink.
"Arre Ankush, you are so lucky that you have a good metabolism," Logan said, not knowing that I had a poor metabolism growing up and something I worked on to improve.
Now removing my personal bias, I wanted to speak with others about how they felt, and I was not surprised to get the same feedback.
Greg mentioned a few examples of what he faced and I wanted to sideline one:
"Arre Greg, tum itne patle ho gaye, kuch khaana khao aapke sehat ke liye acha nahi hai. Ye lo ek jalebi" Again, this statement may not have been meant with malice or ill intent, but Greg clearly did not feel comfortable because he was on his weight loss journey but the family members at the event kept reminding him about how this is not good for him and that he should lighten up as these things don’t matter much in life.
Sometimes we subconsciously project a part of our anxiety on to another person without realising.
Here Sandeep Mall captured this phenomenon with his tweet, look at the comments in the tweet to get some real life case studies on fit shaming:
Another friend Gerri mentioned a couple of stories that went around her office table when she was on her weight loss journey.
She had started a low-carb diet and would stick to vegetables and protein to accompany with, but the individuals at the table would always nudge her, telling her, "What's the point of all this? Why do you want to be a model?"
Every other day, a colleague would ask her in a very snarky way before she opened her lunch box: "Aaj kya hai lunch me-goat, bull ya chicken?"
She mentioned how she feels super uncomfortable opening her lunch box at the table because of the snarky comments and shady looks she would receive when she opened her lunch box, so she has now started to sit at her desk and eat alone as and when she can.
People even pass demotivating statements to her such as “You’ve been going to the gym for so long but it doesn’t look like it”
Fit shaming occurs comes from a place of projecting one's own anxiety onto others. Let's face it, everyone would like to be fit or at least would want to try to make a positive change. The person passing the comment is generally coming from a place of insecurity about themselves even if they are not self-aware of that fact.
Even if someone doesn't want to make a change, we should let them be because we have no idea what personal issue that person may be going through. We shouldn't try to impose ourselves on others.
"Oh, here comes another marathon picture," you might say. But just because someone posts about their fitness endeavors on social media doesn't mean we have the right to comment negatively. If you don't like it, you're free to unfollow that person. What satisfaction do we get from making wise-ass comments on posts where people share their joyous moments? Running is often criticized as being “bAd FOr yOu.”
This tweet by Shajan Samuel sums it nicely; society has a very odd way of branding healthy acitvites.
Making blanket statements without a large enough sample size under fair conditions or without any experience of the matter puts you in the troll category.
People who follow a healthy lifestyle also have the habit of commenting on individuals who may be eating foods that don't meet their expectations, whether on social media or in person. We want to create an environment where people want to come back every day.
“Look at this junk, I’ll never eat it” - a fitfluencer retweeting someone else’s tweet and making a snarky comment.
“Look at this skinny dude giving his opinions” - even the fittest guys get upset when they receive a troll comment on their post from an unfit person. If you know why you posted something, you should be secure enough to not be rude to that person, and the person who is trying to bait you with their trolling should also be secure enough to not pass that comment.
Your self-conviction in your beliefs and your sense of security define how you react to this comment.
Another fiery argument, which is pure popcorn entertainment, arises when a follower of a certain form of diet fights with a follower of another form of diet. But I'll leave that discussion for another day.
Here is an example of ‘paratha shaming’ to lighten the mood.
There is an Instagram handle called "The Fitness Chef" who offers a balanced approach to healthy eating, while I don’t agree with all his views, I appreciate the way he breaks myths and brings a balanced approach to healthy eating.
https://instagram.com/thefitnesschef_?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y
The best feedback I received was from Willa, who classified "fit shaming" through her own life experiences.
She mentioned that strangers can sometimes be the most supportive people, while family and friends can be less supportive at times when you are making progress.
She recounted a time when she was single a couple of years ago and exploring the casual dating scene. Guys would force her to eat junk food and then tell her, "Arre kya hota hai, it's a date" or "One drink won't kill you."
Another important example she mentioned was an instance with one of her family members. She had just been on a roll with her weight loss journey, and this family member was living with her for a while. She had been cooking healthy meals for the member during his stay with her.
Fast forward to a family social setting, the same family member who had lived with her mentioned, "When you live with Willa, you are forced to eat healthy." This person was possibly one of the most unhealthy people she knew of, both mentally and physically, and this offended her on a personal level because she was being shamed for her choices.
Willa also mentioned how being healthy is sometimes looked down upon, but no one bothers to think about how being healthy is about becoming a better version of ourselves for someone else.
For example, a parent will want to be healthy not just for themselves but also for their partner, child, family, or friends. A child will want to be healthy for their parents, and a good friend will want to be healthy for their friends.
So, don't put someone down for putting themselves first and making a positive change. If they are able to put themselves first, then only they will be able to choose someone else, as Willa mentions.
I also disagree with health gurus who say, "5 AM is the magic hour to wake up, and your life will change." I think the context of that form of communication needs to change.
My logic is simple: I have a full-time job that begins at 9 AM, and the only way I can write this article, hit the gym comfortably, and do some unabashed reading and writing is in the early mornings. Someone else whose work starts at 11 AM and ends at 10 PM, why should they wake up at 5? Maybe waking up at 8 or 9 works for them or even waking up just in time for work, as long as they are able to do the things they want to in the day.
We tend to assume that the perfect schedule for us should fit the same way for someone else.
When you prioritize something, you know why you would be doing it without having to answer.
You have to understand yourself, your schedule, and prioritize accordingly.
These are some real-life examples of fit shaming and people may also be going through worse.
I want to leave you with a snippet from an account that I follow on Insta, whose content I love. She has articulated this phenomenon really well:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnT76G6o-4u/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Conclusion
In conclusion, let people of any size, shape, or level of fitness follow the lifestyle they want, and don't impose yourself or project your anxiety onto that person who is eating that meal or posting a picture of them running a marathon or lifting certain weights or doing any activity that brings some positive change in their life.
Everyone has different objectives in life, and following a healthy lifestyle or even an unhealthy lifestyle should not be a way of objectifying someone.
Regardless of the lifestyle we follow, in life there will always be someone who questions our choices.
You may or may not be facing this phenomenon in your life but it is a point that needs to be addressed nevertheless for those who do feel the pressure of being judged on their ways of living.
Let’s root for others whenever we get the chance, there is no downside to it 🙂
On an ending note:
I am fully ready for the banter from my friends and family for this post :)
Fit shaming is even very common irrespective of body or mental health. Recently a relative put me down for building healthy boundaries with my 60 year old mother who has very different lifestyle choices from mine. I am 40, I dont expect her to change, but they just dont get my Vegan lifestyle. Another one is smokers advising me on how to deal with stress. Not only is it detrimental to a person mentally, is also a social put down when someone critiques your very core. Big ups on penning these thoughts!